So I maybe had to think much too hard about what I listen to when I am happy. In my best moods, I tend to throw on 50's and 60's tunes, or maybe a little swing music. Something that moves my feet and takes me to the land of sodie pop and sock hops. But when I hear "The Adventure" by Angels & Airwaves, I am happy in a different way. This song takes puts me in a frame of mind where all I can think about is how lucky I am to be on the other side of my anxiety and depression. There may not be a cure, but with the tools that I have and the mindset that I maintain, I can stay on this side of recovery.
When I am at my worst, I am drowning in grey clouds, suffocated by melancholy, and all I can see is what I have done to myself. But after much hard work, I feel like I have clawed my way to the sunshine, and I will be damned if I give that up for anyone or any thing. I am still me, but new. I am still me, but able to activate the IDGAF factor that allows me to persevere.
This song is me reaching out to the me that can't figure out all that is possible beyond her own self doubt and worry. at the end, that repeated round of "I cannot live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me..." is such a rally cry. ALL IN OR ALL OUT. That's it.
Someone once said to me that you can choose recovery or you can choose your illness. Whatever that may be, whatever your darkness is, you can choose it or recovery. Every choice that you make during any given day - you are choosing one or the other. So when I hear this song, I remind myself that I have to be all in, heart and soul, and go for it anyway!
I want to have the same last dream again, The one where I wake up and I'm alive.
Just as the four walls close me within, My eyes are woken up with pure sunlight.
I'm the first to know. My dearest friends,
Even if your hope has burned with time,
Anything that's dead shall be re-grown.
And your vicious pain, your warning sign,
You will be fine. Hey Ohh, here I am And here we go, life's waiting to begin.
Any type of love, it will be shown, Like every single tree reached for the sky.
If you're gonna fall, I'll let you know, That I will pick you up, like you for I.
I felt this thing, I can't replace, Where everyone was working for this goal.
Where all the children left without a trace, Only to come back, as pure as gold,
To recite this all?
Hey ohh, here I am
And here we go, life's waiting to begin,
I cannot live, I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me...
