Chandelier

Song post #7: A song that reminds you of a certain event: "Breathe Me" by Sia

"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe..."

... yes, the music is beautiful, and it builds to that devastating crescendo that could melt a polar ice cap, but the power of the phrasing in this song is undeniable. There's no place to hide. If you have never been at the end of your rope, hit a rock bottom, or had nothing left to lose, this song is not for you.

I first heard it in the series finale of "Six Feet Under", which for the record is still the greatest finale that I have ever seen.
Maybe that's why when I hear this song, I see a montage of events. I see my lows, I see the highs, and I see those moments in the lives of those around me. I remember finding my mother in the bathtub... And then I feel the joy when I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I see the day that I married my husband... And then I feel the empty place in my heart from the many friends that I have buried over the years.

There is no belting in this song, but it is a showstopper. If ever a song were meant for a soundtrack, "Breathe Me" fits the bill. No gimmicks, no double talk. It's not complicated. This song is quietly screaming for you to FEEL SOMETHING.
Breathe me video

Somewhere Only We Know

Song Post #6: a song that reminds you of somewhere. "Title and Registration" by Death Cab for Cutie.

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night

This song reminds me of an old house usually filled with college boys, but on a certain Valentine's Day occupied only by one. Just he and I, staving off loneliness with UNO and music. We talked for hours, drifting off in between conversations. The day turned into night, and hands found hands, mouths found mouths...

This song had to have played 3 or four times throughout the day, and it will always be able to take me back to that day...the kind of day that would never work if it were planned. We had no clue at the time that the song would ultimately tell our story quite well.

Death Cab has a gift for creating an atmosphere of both reminisce and finality, which is an accurate way to describe my feelings on what happened at that house. Lines were crossed, memories made, but I'm fine with them remaining just that... Memories. It's nice to visit once in a while. I just don't want to stay there.

I Don't Know You Anymore

30 post song challenge #5- a song that reminds me of someone. It occurred to me that yesterday's post covered that more than a song that makes me sad (as was the objective yesterday), so I will llet yesterday's stand for today. 

So, a song that makes me sad...I immediately thought of "Hate Me" by Blue October. It just pulls at the gut. He was a mess, tearing himself apart piece by piece. The more he self destructed the harder she held on, just trying to hold him together. In the end, he loves her enough to want her to be happy, even if that means she has to stop loving him! As long as she loves him, she won't ever give up on him. My heart breaks everytime he screams "Hate me today...tomorrow...for all the things I didn't do for you...so you can finally see what's good for you."

If you listen to that song enough times, you will start to feel like one of these characters (or in my case, both of them depending on where my head is at). I have been this woman, killing myself to save the person that I love. Ignoring every sign that says to run like hell. I have been him as well...so lost in my own demons that I couldn't for the life of me understand why this person put up with my crazy...alternately pushing them away and desperately needing them to stay. 

We are who we are, deep down. Everyone has their demons, and sometimes we conquer them, sometimes we don't. You can waste lifetimes waiting for someone to want to change. I'm a romantic. I believe suffering is a part of all great love stories. I believe in possibility. But this songs reminds me that sometimes we have to see things for what they are. 

Cannonball

30 post song challenge #4- a song that makes me sad...

"Delicate" by Damien Rice. There's a story told in this one that is so personal that it feels almost inappropriate for us to listen, like we are eavesdropping on a lover's conversation. I have had an experience/relationship that can be so completely summarized by this song that my chest becomes tight at even the thought.

"It's not that we're scared, it's just that it's delicate"...

Sure, it's a love song, but it really speaks to the heartbreak of two halves that never become the whole they should have been. Have you ever known two people that should have been together but couldn't make it work? I was more concerned with the person I "should" have been than letting myself just be who I was. I wonder if he is happy... hope he is happy... and hate that I ended things so spectacularly terrible. I broke whatever we had and have never been able to repair it. I was the villain in our story, and I'll have to answer for that. Until then, I'll listen to Damien Rice break my heart while I pack this suitcase.

Walking on Sunshine

30 post song challenge #3:  a song that makes me happy.

I was singing along to a random playlist and "Anything Could Happen" queued up by Ellie Goulding. Catchy beat, nice melody, pretty voice. Not so much forgettable as benign. Something that I could throw on anytime, like a comfortable sweater. At least until the breakdown happens. Every single time the song is playing, I am only vaguely paying attention, and the moment where she plants her feet and declares, "I know it's gonna be, I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE", I find myself modulating right along with her and suddenly this white bread song becomes an anthem. For that last 40 seconds, this is the song that turns my melancholy into joy. This is the dance-in-my-undies-hands-in-the-air happy inducing song.

Nothing special happens after that big declaration, same melody and ooh ooh ooh that happened beforehand, but all is suddenly brighter and so much more awesome.

No light, No light

Rather than the 30 day song challenge, I'm doing the 30 post song challenge. My last post qualifies as Post #1: Favorite Song, so here we are at Post #2: Least fave song...

Why am I having such a hard time thinking of songs that I hate? Most songs have some redeeming qualities, whether it's the music, the lyrics, or maybe an unexpected sax solo (I'm looking at you "TGIF" and "talk dirty to me"). 

The song that really get under my skin are the ones that have nothing to say... I don't have to agree with what you are saying, just SAY SOMETHING! "Barbie Girl" makes the do not play list. I can see the harmless fun angle, but Good Lord! Annoying, repetitive, boring.

Good music tells a story. Even if that story is simply telling someone that they suck and you hate their face, it still qualifies. Don't waste my life telling me how much money you have or girls you have. I don't care about your "haters", how much you drank, or how pretty you are. SAY SOMETHING.

Make Yourself

Knowing that my friend is predisposed to country music can make for a very claustrophobic writing session if I let it. I get so wrapped up in what I want the song to sound like that it suffocates and becomes generic. Scrap that, take it back to bare bones, and see what comes out. The result of that is almost overwhelmingly more satisfying than the first attempt.

Listening to music is the only way to get through the day when it's full of menial tasks (the perfect housewife I am not, thank GOD my husband doesn't mind doing the dishes). My favorite Snow Patrol song queued up (Make This Go On Forever) and I was reminded of how much I love what I do. That song makes me FEEL something... before I knew the words and long after I forget them, I know how this song makes me feel. The build up, the yearning, the regret, the outright desperation. And finally, a plea. "Please, just save me from this darkness...", I mean does it get more honest than that?

I may never write a grammy winner but that's not the goal. The goal is for someone somewhere to hear my words and feel like it could have come from their own mouth, to make a connection.
Otherwise, what's the point?

Watch: http://vimeo.com/68955204