Single Ladies

30 Song Post # 14:  A song that no one would expect me to love: It Kills Me by Melanie Fiona

I don't do a whole lot of R&B, unless it's old school, but I can't lie, I LOVE this kind of song, and this one in particular is EVERYTHING. I know, I know, but if you listen hard enough, she'll say some things (in the words of Young Jeezy).

Oh yeah I've got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life
Problems when you don’t come home at night
But when you do you always start a fight
But I cant be alone, I need you to come on home
I know you messing around...
...Ive gotta be out my mind
To think its gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes
And it kills me to know how much I really love you...


I am here to tell you , men complain about crazy women, but alot of them were sane and fine before someone that she gave her heart to played with it until she got this way. And the opposite is true, most of those men are messed up from being mistreated. Vicious cycle. Every.Single. Woman. has been crazy over some man, we just don't always admit it.

I am a proud woman, but I have been dragged through some MESS, okay? and it pushed me to the point where I felt like I couldn't admit defeat bc of all that I had fought for, which is crazy.

I think I like this song bc it's just so real. I know a million women that could sing this like an anthem, and that's a shame, but it's legitimate. When she says "so much I wanna Ooh ooh oooooooh", I get ALL of the feels. The frustration, the internal battle, it's palpable. "Should I be a lady?"

It's a decision every day to be a lady. There is not one woman that doesn't have it in them to be psychotic over her man, but we can choose to go the other way, even when we know that letting the beast loose would feel better. If we hold it in, we come out on top, but we pay a hefty price. When my hubby hears this one come on, he knows that it is time to smooth some stuff OUT! lol




You can enjoy it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8yZedKTXJ0

I Told You So

30 Song Challenge Post #13: A Guilty Pleasure Song: "I Know You Won't" by Carrie Underwood

Sigh. Okay, now let me qualify this answer just a little bit. I have gone back and listened to the album version of this song, and I am pretty bored. this is a perfect example of when live music MURDERS the recorded version.

When I first heard this song, it was when she performed it live at an awards show. Queen Latifah  introduced her, and I left it on as I was busy with something else. The lyrics are pretty bleak, all about a man that she tries to understand and wants to believe in, but she has finally gotten to the point that she knows without a doubt that she just can't believe a word that he says. How very typically country, but for some reason, this damned song has never left my brain.

When I fight with my husband, I sing this in my shower and it is so cathartic. Carrie is very quiet in the verses of this song, but the chorus is booming, soaring, beautifully declarative.

You say you'll call, but I know you
and you say you're comin' home, 
But I know you
You say you'll call, 
But I know you won't..."

and that is where she sold me. She just HOLDS it in such earnest.. I know you wont.....

How many times have we talked ourselves into something that we knew not to be true simply because we couldn't bear to look at what truth lied beneath all of the hope and compromise?
When you have a bad egg, you KNOW it, but by the time you know it, you are usually already in love and therefore locked in. I keep saying it, but it has never stopped being true: I will always respond greatest to a writer that can just say it. When she slips from her pretty serenade into the last leg of the song and lets that grit into her voice, you can feel that this is not a song written to fill album space (which is how the recording comes off)but that this is about a very specific somebody. there is a loss in that voice, a sound that says I am not quite over it. Unfinished. And frankly, maybe that's because she didnt write it ( written by Wendell Mobley, Neil Thrasher, McEwan), but she certainly sang it like she did!


I'm telling you, by the time it hits 3:56, it is full on GREAT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5gwoFgOt9o

I'm Not the Only One

30 post song challenge #12: A song from a band that you hate: "Savin Me" by Nickelback

It is not so much that I HATE the band, they are just not really my deal. It's a little generic, a little bland, and super predictable. But then, like most things, if you listen hard enough in between all of the throwaways there are some very interesting lines. i like this song in particular because the lead in and fade out guitar riffs are slightly haunting. I am very much into anything that can give me the feels, anything that takes me to a place in my heart that I have been and cannot (will not) easily access.

This song could have been just another tosser if not for the line in the chorus:

"say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me.."

I couldn't get that phrasing out of my head. He didn't just want her to say it FOR him, but to say it TO him. Looking back, I have given heart to people that said all of these wonderful things about me, and couldn't bring themselves to say it TO me, to declare it, to make it legit. Dancing around the hard topics can be enticing, the anticipation building until you reach a frenzy. It's the courtship of it all. but at some point, you have to put up or shut up. If you want me, if you want my heart, you have to have the courage to step over that line. SAY IT if it is worth saving me!

And from another angle...  I have a very good friend that is in quite the rough spot. I, along with the rest of his friends and family, are watching him drown. He is floundering, and not winning this fight. I get why he stays. He doesn't want to break his vows, he doesn't want his child coming from a broken home, and he lacks the confidence to turn his world upside down. People around him have hinted at wanting to help, but sometimes you have to SPEAK UP and say the hard things. SAY IT if it's worth saving him. I think of him every time I come across this song... Our friendship is in a treacherous position, as she knows that I won't stand idly by, and that threatens her very position. But I refuse to go to the funeral of a friend when I have things that have been left unsaid out of courtesy..

I will say it, because it's worth saving him.

White Blank Page

30 Songs: #11: A song from your fave band: "Broken Crown" by Mumford and Sons.

I don't adopt new bands into my collection lightly. I may like one or two songs, but to say I am a fan is a very different thing. Being the nerd that I am, I don't claim fandom unless I can fully commit. I like to be completely invested in the music, the writing, the message... The origin story and the journey have an impact on the music.

All of that being said, Mumford and Sons is the band that I have fallen in love with the most in the past 5 years. "Broken Crown" is a song that immediately struck a chord on many levels. Im going to post the lyrics altogether, because they speak volumes! It says so much about choice and free will vs fate and destination. We know what is technically right and wrong, but the heart wants what it wants... We see how things should go, but sometimes the bad choice gives that instant gratification we all can't help but yearn after. And worse, while we are all guilty of our own sin, the judgment and contempt... the SHADE that we throw to one another is despicable. This is the song that plays like my own personal testimony. I have no problem admitting my faults and missteps, but dont you dare stand as my judge and jury, because your closet is as full as mine...

http://www.2kmusic.com/en/webvideo/mumfordsons/1LBx2YjDtYg/broken-crown-by-mumford-and-sons-lyrics

Touch my mouth and hold my tongue
I'll never be your chosen one
I'll be home safe and tucked away
Well You can't tempt me if I don't see the day

The pull on my flesh was just too strong
Stifled the choice and the air in my lungs
Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie
'Cause when I opened my body I breathe in a lie

I will not speak of your sin
There was a way out for Him
The mirror shows not
Your values are all shot

But oh my heart, was flawed I knew my weakness
So hold my hand consign me not to darkness

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down
I'll never wear your broken crown
I took the road and I fucked it all away
Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down
I'll never wear your broken crown
I took the road and I fucked it all away
Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down
I'll never wear your broken crown
I can take the road and I can fuck it all away
But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate

Never Keeping Secrets

Radio silence is necessary once in awhile. Though I make no excuses for mine. It's difficult to explain but I feel... unsafe. Vulnerable in the worst way. Digging deep and climbing behind the same walls that were built for protection is the only way to get the quality of writing that I want. It's not good to be so closed off, so some of those walls didn't get put back and now I am at risk.  Damn it.

30 Song Posts #10 : A song that helps you sleep : "Walking After You" by The Foo Fighters.

The second verse says, "if you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more..." The amount of push and pull that one line describes is crazy. And overwhelmingly relatable. Which is why I chose this song for this post. The music is a wonderful whiskey fueled lullabye, and then the lyrics spur me into thinking and mediating on love and what that means. The chorus repeats almost as a chant, "if you walk out on me, I'm walking after you...", That's so powerful. And sweet. And almost a vow. It's a promise and declaration. I put this song on, and I drift into the most peaceful of dreams.

I'm surprised to realize that I listen to this song in both times of sadness and joy, in both love and loss. It can be hopeful or desperate, depending on status of your heart. Dave Grohl, you sing my thoughts. If you haven't listened to it before, find a space to be alone, put on your headphones, and prepare to get lost.

Foo Fighters - Walking After You: http://youtu.be/rvorB7d2b8Y

You Never Can Tell

30 Song Post #9: A song that makes you dance: Feel Again by One Republic

There were more obvious choices, like "walking on sunshine", "footloose", or any of the swing/rockabilly music I love love love, but it's easier to use the last one that made me feel that way.

The song is catchy and bright, but it also speaks to a time of darkness, a time when everything was just more of the same. If I let myself dig deep into this song, it will break my heart. And the it will sew it back up as it reminds me that no matter how many times I made the wrong choice, how many times that I took the hit, it call worked out in the end. There's a man that loves me despite my mess, and I give him the same.

"It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face
I've been everywhere and back trying to replace
Everything that I had 'til my feet went numb
Praying like a fool that's been on the run

Heart's still beating but it's not working
It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't ring
I reached out trying to love but I feel nothing
Yeah, my heart is numb

But with you
I feel again
Yeah, with you
I can feel again...

It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face
I've been everywhere and back trying to replace
Everything that I broke 'til my feet went numb
Praying like a fool just shot the gun

Heart still beating but it's not working
It's like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing
I reached out trying to love but I feel nothing
Oh, my heart is numb

But with you
I feel again...
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me...

The joy of this song starts in my head and runs full speed to my feet. I'm known for having it in repeat until I get out of a funk.

Side note: I'm loving these writing exercises! It's spurred my writing on in a crazy way! Reminding myself why I started, giving inspiration, and keeping me from getting blocked up.

Give Me Love

Song post #8: A song you know all the words to.

:::Can I just start by saying WOW!!! In just these last months, it's been crazy. I have been writing not just more, but better songs, which is a big deal to me because I love what I was writing before.

I stopped second guessing the words, stopped analyzing the process, and just wrote! Sure there have still been a few duds, but the good ones have been GREAT!

I'm focused less on the sound and more on the story. The sound will come on it's own. I can't really explain the joy of being able to take what I dream and create a reality. I love that my girl is singing my songs and recording them, but even if no one ever heard them, it would be enough to have given them life.. :::

That being said... a song that I know all of the words to. I'm going to reach back to a song that could never be done better than the original. It's not the best technical song, nor the catchiest, but I dare you to find a song that carries more meaning to a greater amount of people.

I chose "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. Even before they sing one word, you are hooked. I could go into the original content meaning and the story of why they wrote it, but honestly, you don't have to know any of that to know real songwriting:
"How I wish, how I wish you were here,
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.
Running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
Wish you were here..."